Myspace Days! Old entry recovered by request.September 22, 2012
For those of you who used to follow me on Myspace and remember our frequent blogs, here is one of the first postings. I've had many requests from fans for this particular Blog entry. Enjoy.
June 4th 2007
Encounter . 1
The first time I met Daniel it was raining. This was some years ago, I want to believe close to fifteen or so, but it could have been more, or in fact much less. It seems as far away in my memory as it does recent. It was in the strangest of all places, around the southern axis towards the Bois de la Cambre/Ter Kamerenbos in Brussels, on the Avenue Louise. This was his favourite shopping location, and that is exactly what he was doing the very moment I encountered him.
He was in a small boutique trying on a pair of shoes when I walked in to greet him. He looked tired, and oblivious to my even being there. He had a youthful energy about him, and a cloudy blue aura that circled his head. I studied him only for a moment before approaching him. He turned to me and said "Are these shoes too loud?" I studied the footwear in question and quickly responded: "If you have to ask, then yes." He darted his eyes upwards and nodded. I paused for a minute and pondered why he was more concerned with my opinion on his fashion sense than of the fact that I was a complete stranger. I watched him pack up the shoes and purchase them. He paid more than he should have.
As he left the store, I followed him out the door. "Mind if I walk with you?" I asked. "Not at all" he responded. It was mild outside, and the rain had let up. The cobblestone walkways were slippery, and they led us to no place inparticular, just in circles through the district. I wondered how he knew this place, or how I knew to find him here...or better yet, how he knew I knew to find him here.
And we walked. "Tell me how you've been" I said. He took a long breath of the thick murky air around him, as if the question I had posed was going to take awhile to answer.
"What can be said. I'm alright, you know. I've figured a few things out, and there are a lot of things that have slipped through my fingers. I wait sometimes for things to work themselves out, but I always end up having to intervene. Isn't that the way it is?"
"What, you mean, having to intervene with your own life to make things work out?"
"Yeh, sorta. It's this whole thing. You choose your road right, you choose your own path."
"Yes Daniel, you do"
"So then, no matter what happens, you have no reason to feel remorse, or guilt, or blame yourself for things. Regret means nothing. You make the best decision you know how to each time you must - and things working out or not working out is only a product of your own fate in consequence to that choice, but you can't regret it, or believe you did something wrong, because it was the only thing you could do, then, even though you know now you want to change it."
"I think I understand. Are you regretting anything?"
"No, nothing. I don't. I don't believe in it. But, I think I got lost somewhere as I was trying to figure everything out. There was this place, I used to be in. It was safe and I felt protected from everything."
"Protected from what?"
"From anything that could harm me. Anything that was seemingly negative, and most importantly, anything that I couldn't understand. And there, I didn't have to understand it. I could just walk through life day to day without the concern of what was really going on. It was a good feeling to be sheltered and detached."
"I'd say it's probably not for the better to be in that state of mind, for long"
"Well, you could say that, though I think in a way, its romantic...and sometimes it's good to be obvlivious to things, or to just not care - not care because you just don't know. I could always count on things to repeat. Days would run endless, and nights were for recharging your spirit. One into the next in a seemingly endless lifetime that somehow slipped away from me, and the precise moment that happend, I know not...but it did. And the more I wonder when it did, the more I lose any last bit of it I might still have. I search around the house for it, in the garden, down the block, and sometimes I find traces of it in the flowers when spring blooms, or in the still, heavy air August brings - two years ago I found it at Christmas for a short while, though last year it had almost entirely disapated, which was sad. I do love that season a lot. It hides itself, and I've built a life out of trying to find those moments and claim them back. Only when I am fortunate enought to discover them, the minute they disappear into the air I'm left an old, crippled, and distrought man. I'm only reflective for a moment or so. Initially, it feels like I'm right back in that place, but it doesn't last long, not nearly long enough to satisfy my heart. Which reminds me, if I'm spending the rest of my days searching for that place, I'm going to lose today."
At that point, his thoughts no longer made any sense to me, and I didn't know how to respond. The words he excitedly rambled on about only had meaning for him. He was much to young then to concern himself with such vague notions of his forgotten pasts, but I could see he was having trouble with what life was supposed to be.
We were both silent for a short while as we approached a nearby bus stop. We stood there together, side by side, not directly acknowledging one another, but happy to be in each other's presence. I knew not what advice to offer him, but I knew the second I made sense of it, I would come back for him. A few minutes later, his bus pulled up. He turned to me and said.
"Will I see you again soon?"
I stared into his eyes that didn't seem nearly as lost as his words, and smiled. He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm and leaned in close to his ear. I whispered:
"The living, sometimes will wait their whole lives..."
He paused while he was still in my grip for only a moment. I felt 3 drops of rain on my forehead. Then he walked onto his bus, and I watched it drive off into the distant town until it dissapeared among the tall structures and spires.
I forgot to tell him so many things I wanted to, and how I felt so wonderful about his music, and I began to regret it. Then I remembered what he said about regretting things, and I laughed to myself.
Since then, his music still puts me to sleep at night, but in a good way.
And yes, I would see him again soon.
- Samandiriel, The Angel